That day, we both got to work at the same time, and I got there first. I always got there ten minutes early. And on that day, too. I make sure I give myself plenty of time to get there. Running late makes me nervous and when I get nervous I bite my fingernails. When they get too small to bite, I bite the skin around the nail. I prefer the skin toward the tip the best. It’s chewy. The skin near the bottom is soft and weak and bleeds too easily. When I’m nervous any of the skin will do. I like to chew it up, chew it all up together and swallow-it-eat-it. If I think someone’s looking I’ll spit it out, as not to appear a savage. It calms me down, but just for a moment and I have to chew some again. It’s better than smoking cigarettes because it’s free and the skin and nails will grow back for free. Also, no cancer. My nails aren’t looking very good, and so I have to make sure I leave for work at least one half of one hour before time. Sometimes more. When there’s more time than I need I stop and get whatever drink with whatever inside. Sometimes they make me more nervous. And always they taste good.
That day I had time, a drink, bits of nail, and a fresh supply of skin. The skin grows back faster. I drank the drink in the car with my time and white noise was the sounds. When only the can was there and not the time, I started the final part of going to work. The girl was there then, also, and that’s why I say we got to work at the same time, but also that I got there first. We walked in at the same time, so it was all true.
I prefer to walk head down for less distractions and people, but her face makes me less nervous, or forget that I am, but she doesn’t know that it does. I let her pass by and I walk behind to smell the air she left for me and see her face a bit when she stops to hold the door. The air she left behind was just better. I smelled it deep into me and she laughed but no one used their voice. We both did the things we had to do so that everyone knew we made time correctly.
Most of her buttons were finished already but she put her wrist up to my face for the last one to be put through. Even with her face there in front of mine I became much more nervous than I should have been. In all my times I had completed all the buttons I had tried so my ratio was good. I used both hands and she smiled as I tried but my knuckles went away. I pulled her wrist and moved around and tried again, but I couldn’t do it. All the buttons I had done my way before but this was the opposite, being in front instead of inside. Even at the end I tried one-handed, like how I do my wrist, but when I tried to get behind her to do it my way she thought it was about something else and left mine for the other places.
I don’t mind any of it, but the time and air she leaves behind is just ok now, and her buttons are never incomplete. My ratio is pretty much the same because that’s the only one I ever missed, but to her she thinks I don’t know buttons and that’ll always be the same.
